i am forever in love with bob hund. julie saw thomas öberg in Malmö C the other day and I am super jelly.
Det låter ju irländsk i melodin!!!
So I went on a date with a Swede and it was really fun!!! I was hella nervous about it at first, but Im so glad I went. Confidence is boosted and I feel good about myself. We spoke Swedish for a good part, and then switched to English. It felt nice because it was my decision to do that, not his and not because he was uncomfortable with my Swedish. We also did the thing where he spoke in Swedish and I spoke in English. So we tried all sorts of communication haha.
I dunno if I’ll see him again, but Im glad I did this one time :)
The Futuro House was designed in 1968 by Finnish architect Matti Suuronen. It was commissioned as a “holiday house” or vacation home.
Espoo Museum of Modernart. Finland
Photo: Aika Felt Works
Sign. me up
A few new things since my last logging in.
I met up with some business colleagues (that sounds so formal) that took the Enterpreneur’s course with me, and I absolutely loved helping and talking with them. All three need some help with their Wordpress sites and it feels fun to be able to show them how to take care of it— or even take care of it for them in some cases :) It is good to feel needed, wanted, respected and even remembered by these folks. One of the peoplein the class gave me a book about branding which he picked up from a client because it reminded him of me. I thought it was a really nice gesture— and one that makes me feel more comfortable about staying here in Sweden. I want to be in a place where this is a way of being nice to other people.
The fact that 3 folks needed some Wordpress help gave me the idea to maybe hold a course for it at VentureLab or LiFT. Maybe I will investigate that further. I think it could be worth my time!
On the social front, Julie and I have been hanging out a lot. It has felt nice to simply be myself, to find out about another person who has recently moved here, and to just sort of chill + explore new places! This past week we went to Ystad and had fun exploring there in the hot, hot sun. The sun actually took a lot out of me, but we managed to cool down at Hamnscafeet which had an awesome lunch buffet. I never appreciated rödspätta like I did that day haha :)
I also got a group of folks together to go see Her at the Kulturmejeriet here in Lund. It was fun just to goof off, speak English and drink wine with lovely people. They want to go to Copenhagen this weekend, but I actually have a lot of work to do! Perhaps I’ll join up in the evening because everyone needs some fun now and again. OR— maybe Julie and I will do something creative together like T-shirt bleaching or being crafty (pyssla) at one of our places :) The world is full of coolness.
I also joined a DATING WEBSITE. This has made the free evenings more enjoyable thus far, but I am unsure if it is really for me or not. I would rather meet people in real life and feel some sort of chemistry. Then again, I kinda like this idea of chatting first and then possibly meeting. I haven’t dared to meet anyone in real life yet, but I guess it is a possibility. It might be a great excuse to travel around in Sweden some more anyway ;) It’s also a bit fun/exciting because Im chatting (typing) with these folks in Swedish. I know there are some wrong things here and there, but it’s helping me learn a bit more too! I guess that its only icing on the cake. :-p Sometimes I do wonder if people get turned off by multiple grammar mistakes. I think I might be if folks did that in excess in English. But no one’s freaked out about it yet— and I’ve been clear that I have only been here for two years. So I guess we’ll see where it goes!!! :D
So when people ask a dreaded question “Can you speak Swedish”? I still kind of freak out. Want to know why? Because like so many things, it ISN’T a 1 or 0 kind of reply!
Det beror på väldigt mycket // It depends on so much! It depends on the time I have known the person I am talking to, it depends on how long during the day itself I have been speaking/thinking/writing in Swedish as well. Sometimes it depends on the time of day (seems to be better in the mornings). Usually it depends on my mood too. If I am pressed for time, I would rather say something in English. If the other person is stressed out too, I’d rather they say it quickly in English rather than quickly in Swedish and me misunderstand something.
My conversations are blended. I mix English into my Swedish and Swedish into my English. This is usually totally ok. It’s how a lot of Swedes communicate themselves even if it is a bit ‘university speak’.
So, to answer the question, you’ll just have to see for yourself if you think I can speak Swedish. Förstås kan jag hänga med— men man måste ju ha lite tålamod! :)
I mean just check out my Facebook below— it’s all sorts of everything :-p
As you guys may have noticed I’ve been a huge wad of indecision lately. Like my dad said, I’ve been overanalyzing eeeeeeverything. Why not just live and be happy?
So I’ve been doing that for the past day and a half!
Did yoga, worked out with a friend and then had a great spontaneous hang-out day with my friend. Julie came to Lund and I showed her around a bit. We checked out the art museum which had an interesting art exhibit— tapestries with political site-specific photo collages. Really, really cool.
Had fika in the Botanical Garden in Lund— really nice and cozy :)
We played with Miro the dog! :)
I wrote in my journal a bit. Goals, career and otherwise.
Came to the conclusion that I would want to end up in Europe at the end of the day anyway.
Realized I have a job/jobs here. I have the possibility to STAY HERE if I want it! So—- why not?!
I have the makings of a beautiful thing! The happiness in knowing that there is always Atlanta helps me through those tough times.
I’ll be more than ok. Im going to have a BLAST here in Sweden. Just need to get on the right path— the one of choosing to be happy rather than depressed.
Being happy is a choice.
this american birdie is going to fly home. middle of august is the preliminary plan. i can’t wipe the smile off my face, so i know i’ve made the right decision.
and honestly, i could NOT have made it without all of these stumbling stones in the way. im such a stubborn person, but in the end, i am choosing to be happy and surrounded by those who love me and i love them.
next large plane flight: atlanta bound!
The morning started really well! I got up, gave the dog a short piss time, I gave him a bath cause otherwise Ill be really allergic to him, and then we took a jog together. I fixed some graphics for this company called Nordgröna, and I then had a meeting with a lady that runs a great yoga studio here. If I clean up in the mornings then I can have free yoga! Then I went to Jennys house and talked a bit to her and Louise. Felt good.
My mood this morning was great. I felt like I was capable of doing stuff here in Sweden and was feeling pretty good. I read a bit more of my Olaf Palme book and then settled into staring at the computer. I even took a nap. Something about not getting a reply from people that I was hoping to hear from made me feel sad.
I started doubting everything again. I feel really insecure here. As if someone might pull the carpet out from me at any moment. And I have been feeling realllllllly homesick. I think about my mom and dad. I think about the lack of stress I felt at home.
I also think about how I was still sad in the evenings at home, that I still didnt know what to do with my life there. This isn’t something new. This is kinda me and how I operate.
i then went to pick up a key to look after a cat this weekend. my friend Julie and I hung out, biked to the beach to work out with Friskies och Svettis, and then her boyfriend cooked us dinner! It was unexpected and really nice. I thanked them profusely.
i talked a little bit about how i was feeling— just really homesick and debating whether or not to leave for home.
honestly a big part of it is that mats has shut me out of his life now. i know he needs it, but it hurts so bad. somewhere inside of me i thought maybe we could get back together. now i know, the answer is definitely no. i thought that if i did all the things he wanted (get a job, clean my place more, speak more swedish) he would take me back.
the answer is no.
my tears have been flowing for days now. it hurts really bad.
of course i want to be home and be with my parents who take really good care of me :) but….maybe, just maybe, i can push on. if i make it thru this then maybe there’s something to win on the other side? happiness, self-contentment, a respect for myself.
its a debate i have daily. i still dont know. a voice in my head tells me there are still adventures here. another voice says there is nothing wrong in going home. no defeat, just less wasted time in some ways?
but i like sweden. it would hurt to leave here anyway.
so the fact is, it will hurt no matter what i do.
PROS of going home:
-Mom and Dad and friends can help for a bit while I recover.
-Could most likely find a job in an advertising bureau
-Don’t have to search high and low for a place to live
-Could hang out with people who love me
CONS of going home:
-Have to pay medical insurance
-Have to pay for gas
-Have to have a car
-Don’t know for sure if I could find that job I think I could get
-Disappoint the people in the job that have stuck their neck out for me.
-No European passport
-Would feel pressure
I am making my own adventure here! :)
I am most of the way there! Just a bit left to go !!
I have the power to change the things around me.