Rockstars would know the best, I think.
Väljer du olycklig kärlek, ingen kärlek alls?
À cause des garçons !
On met des bas nylon
On se crêpe le chignon
À cause des garçons !
Et du “qu’en dira-t-on”
On pleure sur tous les tons
À cause des garçons !
On s’allume pour de bon
À cause des garçons !
À cause des garçons !
Taken from http://lyricstranslate.com/en/cause-des-garcons-cause-des-garcons.html#ixzz2z7u7ywkj
Something about salesmanship and knowing you have a valuable product.
Im writing to you because it makes sense to me to do so. I’ve never met someone who believes so much in me as you. This weekend was so rough. I was at a seminar that was all in Swedish. It was hard. You’re so right that I might never feel like Swedish perfectly fits me at all. And that’s ok. :) it makes me cry sometimes because I really want that so much.
I really want a lot of things here in Sweden.
I want my company to succeed. I want to feel just as comfortable and happy as I was when I broke up with mats and moved out and found all those interviews and jobs to apply for so quickly. I would like to find that perfect Swedish man that I know exists out there somewhere for me. Or maybe he isn’t Swedish at all, but only loves Swedish culture as much as I do.
I want more time for me. I want to be that wonderful person that I know I am and can be. I’m a really radiant and beautiful person that has the power to inspire all around. It’s just to remember it in tough times :)
Is it alright to call you my mentor? My Swedish coach? My role model? You’re amazing and I want to be just like you. In the way that you know who you are where you are going and can admit that to people.
Tro På Dina Idéer
Believe in your ideas weekend hosted by Venture Lab
A weekend of supporting female entrepreneurs
Today has been very successful actually. I have been speaking Swedish all day, people are flabbergasted when I say I’ve only been here for two years. I feel very supported by everyone here actually. You have no idea how that feels. I’ve also been saying “actually” all day in swedish too so its not soooo weird.
I needed this break. This mini semester. Sisterhood with strangers. Its felt very nice and like I really needed it.
I have no idea what I want here in Sweden, for a big part I almost wanted to scream “give me a job at panduro” when I heard that two girls worked there. It’s almost like I need something so bad that I’m willing to do anything. But at the same time I want to stay the course with my company. What do I want out of this weekend. Hopefully a gig doing a lecture or seminar with design for other companies in venture lab so that I can inspire and lead in design. It’s needed. It’s wanted. Give the people what they will!
Ska lägga mig nu.
I needed inspiration from women. :)
I’ve been avoiding writing for a bit now, and it showed up today. It’s been all too much lately. I have two deadlines tomorrow, and yesterday I went to Mats’ place to just hang out and get some work done and feel some safety for awhile. It was really stupid to do, actually. It was ok except there were little things that got on my nerves the entire time, as well as we had an argument right before I left which influenced the rest of my night and morning.
I became really unsure and sad about everything in life this morning. I woke up, turned in the translation paper that was due before 10, fixed the ink to my printer, worked a bit on my to-do list for the week, checked my tax papers, and then proceeded to have a meltdown.
I called Mats and cried about how fucking scared I am to be able to afford everything here in Sweden. I know I can do it, it’s just I want someone else to know too.
Jenny’s mom was at lunch today and she helped Jenny fix her flowers for her. It reminded me how much I miss my mom. Sometimes you just want a hug from your parents to know everything will be ok. I miss them very much, and I want them here kind of. I wish that they could be with me here in Sweden.
I also wish I didn’t have to fight so much. I wish everything was easier, that I knew exactly what to do in every moment. It doesn’t always happen you know.
Im trying to think about what other people would do in my shoes. My dad would’ve tried to stay and fight. My mom too. My favorite Swedish teacher would have probably gone back home…maybe. I feel like most Swedish people would’ve had a plan in place already. I sort of have a plan, but a very shakey one built on making this business work. I know I can do it! I just have to make myself do it.
It’s been the first work week in the new place. Several new habits has arisen.
1. I now cook and prepare my food for all meals with the exception of today, Friday. I’ve been having regular breakfast, lunch and dinners, which wasn’t always the case before.
2. I still drink coffee every day. But now I can use a french press! My new roommate taught me how to use it. Det heter kaffepress på svenska. Hon blev överraskad att det kallas FRANSK press på engelska. Hehe. Men det är det!
3. Nästan alla mina konversationer hålls på svenska nu. The only times I speak English are when I am in meetings, speaking with another native English speaker other than the few that prefer Swedish anyway, I can’t find the word I’m looking for, or I get super tired. Jag även gick på en afterwork i Malmö ikväll med Julie och vi pratade på svenska efter jag förklarade att jag bor med flera svenskar nu.
4. Jag kan flörta på svenska ;)
5. I think about money kind of a lot. I think about how much things cost, and if I can afford them or not. For instance, I had a breakfast/lunch today at Ideon and the sandwiches were on sale for 20:-. This is within my weekly allowance of stuff. BUT the afterworks this week were killer on my budget. 3 drinks for a total of $20. Actually…that’s really not bad if it happens once a month like it has this month. Plus a trip to Malmö that basically cost $20 as well. So $40 for two nights of fun. Ehhh…can’t do that. The trip to Malmö is what pushes it over. I have to say it was totally worth the experience though since Julie showed me around, I got to see where she works, and meet her fun friend who might be up for Bob Hund next week as well. Bob Hund! :)
Also…it happened today that I spoke to my dad and said a few Swedish words. And I wanted to explain something to him in Swedish but I can’t because he doesn’t know!! I think it comes from the fact that I expect people that I’m close to here to be able to speak both languages. And there are some things I need to explain in Swedish. Det går lite lättare i så fall. Such a strange feeling that I can’t do that with them! They’re my parents! They should be able to do everything that I can…or?
Why are we in this hand basket? And why are we going so fast?!
It’s a reference to the English expression of “everything going to hell in a hand basket”. Which honestly is a fucked up saying by itself. I imagine a cute little picnic basket doomed to go to hell. Or a fucked up twisted smile on someone’s face who knows that something bad will happen to them.
I have forgotten where I first heard that joke, but it was a long time ago, and I still think that it’s hilarious, despite my newfound positive attitude towards life. Every now and then one needs that extra twist of darkness in order to laugh a bit. Is it schadenfreude? Maybe. It’s more like a survival tactic I think…
That’s actually a very interesting question to mull over. I have this innate reaction that it’s a bit dangerous to pick up this type of humor again. I look at sarcasm and bitterness with suspicion now. Why does someone need to express themselves that way? Mostly because they are unhappy with themselves or their situation I would think.
At the same time I’m also a little wary now of people who seem way too much like myself. Maybe they’re acting as true mirrors. Maybe they’re only reflecting what I want to see. That happens a lot that we people do that. We have to show people only what they want to see. And that my friends is just dishonest at the end of the day. No, I believe in saving face. I believe in being polite. But I do no longer believe in being something for someone else simply because I know they will like it. I will strive to tell people the hard truth, but try to do it in a friendly and genuine way. I will strive to not tell people only what they want to hear.
It could get me into a load of terrible situations that I just don’t want to be in. Too stressful. Could’ve avoided it and been happier in the first place. We aim for happiness round these parts. And I don’t want to forget it.
In summation complying with what people unfairly expect of me is unfair to myself. Gotta stand my ground! Do this thing because I know it’s right for me. Because I like it :)
How did this post turn into this? Obviously needed to work this out of my thoughts somehow. Voice inside my head that reassures me, you are best :)
Jag vet att jag är på det rätta spåret när jag ler och vill hoppa runt omkring som ett barn på grund av glädjen jag känner inom mig :) det är jag som har skapat glädjen, ingen annan. Wow! How powerful to realize that!
"Located in Vercheres, a small village near Montreal, this monument honors the first founders of the village who arrived by wind and water in the region in 1740. Users can then sit on those park benches and relive the history of Vercheres in its beginning."
Whoa! Boats in the mist reminiscent of VIKINGS :)